Crazy, Crazy, Crazy, Wedding Nights

Men get creative on wedding nights,
Lest the bride be disappointed,
Some buy costly enhancement creams,
With which their tool's anointed,

Some grooms resort to books of skill,
Their performance to give vigour,
While some leave everything to chance,
And pray she's not had bigger,

Some buy electronic toys,
For a tingle or a spasm,
And hope a black vibrating dong,
Will spark her first orgasm,

Some resort to sleight of hand,
They administer a pill,
They cheat to scale the final height,
An artificial thrill,

Ask her sister what she likes,
Leave nothing unexploited,
Or buy the Karma Sutra,
And pray she's double-jointed,

Again, some rely on speed alone,
As frantically they race,
The smell of smoke as rubber burns,
Drifts slowly past their face,

Good lovers try ease her fear,
To show he has a Soul,
Or breakout KY Jelly,
And seek another goal,

If she had too much to drink,
And her concentrations foggy,
Slyly tell her to "Just relax",
Then try and get some doggy,

Some do let Mother-Nature,
Take her natural course,
This one works the best of all,
If you're hung just like a horse,

Some buy padded condoms,
To boost their length and girth,
Any look of wonder on her face,
Proves your extension's worth,

Fantasize about her sister,
As men they sometimes do,
Now that she's a sister-in-law,
That makes it feel taboo,

Sometimes with great cunning,
The battle can be won,
By going down upon your knees,
And just using your tongue,

There's one last ploy to help,
Which makes all others pale,
Invest in some small blue pills,
And surely you can't fail,

Whatever tricks or ploys they use,
Much to their family's urgings,
They could have saved a lot of fuss,
And only married virgins.